We all know the Shakespearean wisdom: To thy own self be true. But what does that really mean in a world that constantly tells us who to be, how to be, what to be? What if we’ve spent so much time playing by society’s, our parents, culture or religious rulebooks that we don’t even know what our true self looks, let alone feels like, anymore?

But before we get into the workings of things, I want to be open and share that there’s a very personal reason behind writing this particular blog - learning to be true to myself has been a big part of my journey. It’s a multi-faceted conversation with layers of complexity; from my Human Design type, through to parental beliefs, the education system of old and so much more. For those who know the Human Design model, I’m a ‘manifestor’. A minority (more about that another time) and I was ‘conditioned’ to operate, function and behave in ways that weren’t my natural (or most beneficial) way of working. Feeling like the proverbial square peg in a round hole was a thing for me. I learnt to navigate as best I could, and don’t get me wrong, there were stacks of excellent navigation skills and coping mechanisms that served me well. It wasn’t until I truly understood and embraced my own ‘energetic blueprint’ that I fully understood where the rub was in how I was working against myself. Then the question, “If I have achieved what I have, not knowing what I now know, what could be possible if I lived and lead from my authentic self?

So if you’ve ever wondered, where do I fit? Am I different? Do I belong? If so where? Why do I keep sabotaging myself? Why does everyone else seem to have handled? Or any questions about round pegs and square holes, read on… today’s blog is all about how to discover, unpack, access, embrace and adjust the true you in all your glory.

Dr. Gabor Maté is rather topical right now as he has been touring Australia. He is renowned for his work on trauma and authenticity, and argues that our earliest survival instinct is attachment—our need to belong. As children, we quickly learn that expressing our true selves may lead to disapproval or rejection. When a child senses that authenticity threatens their connection to caregivers, they suppress it in favour of compliance. This can create a lifelong pattern: the internal conflict between who we truly are/want to be, and who we believe we must be to stay safe and accepted. The latter more often than not becoming an unconscious foundation which drives our behaviours, choices and more.

The great thing is, Neuroscience backs this up. When we suppress our true self, the brain’s stress response activates, releasing cortisol and adrenaline. You could say it’s like our natural state goes into conflict with the ego identity. The moment this conflict is activated, the nervous system shifts into a chronic state of fight, flight, or freeze. Over time, this can manifest as anxiety, burnout, or even physical illness. In contrast, when we live feeling empowered to be true to ourselves, and express ourselves without fear of judgement, ridicule or rejection, the brain’s reward pathways light up, increasing dopamine and oxytocin—chemicals that foster motivation, resilience, and connection.

Not sure if this is you? Well, ask yourself, have you ever said “yes” to something you didn’t really want to do, attend, participate in, but thought you’d best say yes as it is the ‘polite or right’ thing to do? According to whom? Your parents? Your religion? Your culture? Ever found yourself in a place of overwhelm because you’ve taken on too much…just because you can, and fear the consequences if you don’t? Why? Is your ability to say “no” hamstrung by any level of concern of the consequence? I can confidently put my hand up for that category, especially when it comes to family.

Let’s delve a little deeper into Gabor Mate’s world and the role of trauma in our internal conflict. Childhood trauma—whether big or small—also plays a significant role in the internal battle we have with authenticity. Trauma doesn’t have to be a singular catastrophic event; it can be the cumulative effect of micro-experiences that teach us to suppress, silence, or shape-shift to fit into expectations. “You’re too loud”, “You’re too creative”, “You’re too much”….and yes, it’s worth having a listen to what your internal narrative is around this. Maybe it’s more along the lines of “You’re not smart enough, fast enough, good enough, quiet enough, musical enough” The list is endless.

This is where it’s your turn – Observe and reflect what narrative you hear inserted into the end of those two statements. You’ll possibly notice the commentary is tailored to your childhood.

As kinesiologists, this is familiar territory and often an integral part of the work we do. Many clients come to us wanting to create change in their lives but find themselves stuck in destructive or disruptive patterns. Whether conscious or unconscious, trauma imprints the unconscious mind, and go on to be the energy patterns, belief systems and narrative that dictate how we navigate life. Step one is to identify them. Then we assist clients in shifting these patterns, beliefs, habits and ultimately the narrative they inherited (or created), helping them reclaim autonomy and move back into the driver’s seat of their lives.

One of the big pieces of the puzzle are two small words which have such a powerful impact…Right & Wrong. From childhood, we are conditioned by many external influences to conform to an invisible rulebook of ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’ The church tells us what is virtuous, schools tell us what is intelligent, social norms tell us what is acceptable, and workplaces tell us what is professional. Stray too far, and the consequences range from mild disapproval to outright rejection.

The problem? Much of this isn’t based on universal truth let alone taking into consideration bio-individuality of you and your personal truth—it’s based on collective agreements shaped by history and societal structures. As a result, many of us live lives that feel disconnected, unfulfilled, and out of sync with our deepest values and energetic rhythm. Maybe you have success on paper but feel a nagging emptiness, off centredness you can’t quite explain?

Did you know this also has an impact on our nervous system? It plays a critical role in how we relate to authenticity and personal alignment. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) governs our stress responses, but it also shapes our ability to feel safe expressing our true selves:

• When authenticity is met with criticism or rejection, the ANS triggers a survival response, reinforcing the belief that being ourselves is dangerous.
• When authenticity is encouraged and validated, the nervous system relaxes into a state of safety, allowing us to fully express and embody who we are.

Understanding this dynamic helps us reclaim how we navigate our self-expression, choices and responses. The nervous system’s role is neither friend nor foe, it’s a feedback mechanism that supports us in navigating what’s aligned and what isn’t, in relation to our own natural state. I often refer to it as the ‘ick factor’. If you lean/feel into something and it leaves you feeling ick….consider it’s a ‘no go zone’. If you lean/feel into something and it sparks joy, ease, fulfilment, inner peace (and any of other juicy verbs), it’s a good indicator you’re on the right track.

Deepak Chopra speaks about the path of least resistance. It’s another interesting lens on authenticity. The piece to consider here is “do you keep hitting up against resistance?” Could be internal or external, and if so why? This is not to be confused with the discomfort we sometimes feel with growth and change, it is more about hitting brick walls. Learn to listen to yourself, especially around those you trust. Am I working against myself or with myself? The more we practice authenticity in safe spaces, the more we rewire our nervous system to associate truth with safety, not threat.

If you are looking for some simple tips to reclaim yourself, here are a few starters:

1. Self-Observation – Notice when you’re filtering yourself to fit expectations. Ask: Am I saying or doing this because it’s true to me, or because it’s what’s expected?

2. Challenge the Rulebook – Question societal ‘shoulds.’ Stop ‘shoulding’ all over yourself! I always ask…..”according to who’s rule book?” followed closely by, “and how is that rule book working for you?” Remember you always have choice. Yes truly. I can’t guarantee you will always like the options you have to choose from, and you always have choice.

3. Nervous System Regulation – Practices like breathwork, mindfulness, and kinesiology can help create a sense of internal alignment and safety so you feel more comfortable being yourself.

4. Community Matters – Surround yourself with people who celebrate your authenticity, your values, your fully self expressed you. People who not just tolerate you but embrace you and who respect you enough to also hold a mirror to you when required.

5. Micro Acts of Authenticity – Start small. Express a real opinion. Set a boundary. Say no when you mean no. It’s like any other muscle. Consistency is key and start small. Feel into things. Get out of your head (designed for survival) and go down into your gut or your heart.

So, here’s a question….what would be possible if you stopped playing by your inherited rules? What if you listened to your inner soul/self rather than the ego identity that you created to keep you ‘safe’? Imagine waking up and making choices based on what truly lights you up—not out of obligation, fear, or habit. Imagine feeling safe in your own skin, knowing you are enough as you are.

Want to learn more? We will be doing a deep dive into this and many other subjects on The Change Reactionpodcast from The Nidana Collective. We’re pulling apart the layers of conditioning, exploring the science of change, and giving you real tools to step into your truest self.

If this resonates, sign up for our newsletter on https://www.kinesiology.academy to be the first to hear about its launch. Because to thy own self be true isn’t just a poetic ideal—it’s the foundation of a life well-lived.